Einstein Quote


"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new." – Albert Einstein

Friday, September 2, 2011

"Lost" Day #10 - 14hrs In...

I've been working on my first original song (both lyrics and music) for 10 days now. (Going on 11 actually.) I have been at it for about 14 hours according to the log on my production software. I'm using FL Studio 9 XXL. It is my first time really using this software and I'm learning it as I go. I'm also using my CASIO LK-90tv keyboard as a midi controller. I started with the basic melody of the piano music. Then I began playing with beats and layering other synths in. Below I have posted the set from my Soundcloud account that contains all of the versions of the song I have done so far to show the progression of the track as I complete it. I currently have 2 verses and the chorus written, I am working on the bridge. The music has already changed since the first instrumental version I created. Check it out and keep a lookout for more to come soon!!!

Lost - From "Ashes Of The Phoenix" by AshesOfThePhoenix

Ashes Of The Phoenix - Lyrics (Work-in-Progress)


[VERSE 1]
Bleeding heart, aching soul/Waited for you
Lost my mind, tryin’ to hide/Myself from the truth
Realization
Came too late
With your lips, I sealed my fate

[CHORUS]
Blinded by your beautiful lies
A bittersweet... sacrifice.
Took away my life/My light
Left me falling/Into the night

[HOOK]
Thought you’d love me (love me)/  ’Till the end (‘till the end)
Now I know...
It was all pretend. (it was all pretend)

[VERSE 2]
Foolish girl, gave you all/Trusted the descent
Poison kiss, sunk deep within/Passion hid the intent
Unfaithfulness
In all but name
Took my youth, threw it all away

[CHORUS]
[HOOK]

[BRIDGE]
The games/The pain
The suffering/The shame
How could you leave me, with all the blame?
The games/The pain
The suffering/The shame
How could you think, we’d ever be the same?

[CHORUS]
[HOOK]
[REPEAT VERSE 1]

Realization
Came too late (came too late)
With your lips, I sealed (sealed) my fate (i sealed my fate)

Yes/Realization
Came too late (came too late)
With your lips, I sealed (sealed) my fate (i sealed my fate)

[VERSE 3]
Like the  phoenix, burning bright/Reaching the end
Don’t wanna stand, Don’t wanna fight/Nothing left ’ta defend
Out of the ashes
Now I rise (i rise), No need (no need) for tender goodbyes (no tender goodbyes)

Not the fool you thought I’d be
Without you here, I’m finally free...

A Resumption of Madness

So I realize I started this wonderful Blog and got a rather powerful response, then I totally stopped writing. I also started about 3 or 4 other more personally-themed blogs and again only wrote a few posts and stopped. I suppose I have this bad habit of starting things, but not always following through to the end. BAD BAD BAD HABIT!!!

Anyway, I have decided to resume the blog. I am currently working on some new and very ORIGINAL music. I have always wanted to make music of my own and now I'm finally motivated enough to really do it.

I have started work on 2 tracks. One I wrote the lyrics to last year, "Ashes Of The Phoenix". It will be the title track to my first album when I have completed it. I will be starting to play with some music for it next week. (FINALLY!) I have also started to write another song, 'Lost". I came up with a melody and beat before I wrote any lyrics. I am still writing the lyrics and working on the music it is DEFINITELY a work-in-progress.

I will be posting lyrics and music later. So please check them out as they come. I will be tracking my progress in this blog. I will also continue to post essays, photos, etc as they come to mind.

If you're interested... Follow along as I continue to journey into the depths of my mind... Who knows where all this will lead; I just find it to be a healthy outlet for my creativity and a good way to pass the time.

---- Angelica

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

A Historic Day In California

A decision I have been awaiting, for almost two years, was finally handed down today in San Francisco. Judge Vaughn Walker ruled that Proposition 8, passed in California in November of 2008 was an unconstitutional law. Proposition 8 for those who are not familiar was a banned placed on same-sex marriage. Basically, the law said that marriage can only exist between a man and woman, therefore, gay couples could not ever obtain a legal marriage in California.

The American Foundation For Equal Rights posted the following to their Facebook page today:

Federal court: Moral disapproval alone is an improper basis on which to deny rights to gay men and lesbians. The evidence shows conclusively that Proposition 8 enacts, without reason, a private moral view that same-sex couples are inferior to opposite-sex couples.

The totality of the argument posed by those in favor of Prop 8 was a moral argument. Clearly, not one that was to be dealt with in our legal system. If there is to be a clearly defined separation between church and state, which there has to be if religious freedom is to be protected, then how can such a law exist?

Who says that marriage is strictly between a man and woman? I believe that has only been defined through RELIGION. Plenty of straight couples that do not believe in any religion can easily go down to their local justice of the peace and get a LEGAL MARRIAGE under our law. LGBT couples are not seeking to force churches to recognize and marry them; they merely are asking for that same legal privilege.

Under the current laws of our nation, there is nothing protecting the rights of LGBT couples. A couple can be monogamous and truly be in love for a lifetime, yet, due to their lack of a legal marriage, one partner could be dying in the hospital and the other could be denied the right to see them. (If the family of the dying partner so chooses.) For a straight couple this could easily be avoided by getting married; Gay and Lesbian couples do not have that choice. They cannot be protected under the law. Essentially they are considered invalid, unimportant, unequal.

We would like to believe that: "America is the land of the free and the home of the brave". However, our country has a history rich with discrimination and institutionalized prejudice that would render that statement false. Thankfully, our nation has tried to reconcile these wrongs over time, but every change has come slowly. It took us almost a century to overturn slavery via the Thirteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution in 1865. Another century to end segregation when the Supreme Court finally ruled all forms of segregation unconstitutional in 1968. There was the Trail of Tears that forced thousands of Native Americans to be moved from their homelands in the 1830s. Of 15,000 Cherokee that were relocated over 4,000 died on the way from their homeland to barren Oklahoma. To this day, in 2010, there has been no formal apology, let alone reparations made to the Cherokee nation. And we cannot forget the internment of over 100,000 AMERICANS during World War II, in the name of "our protection". It took another 30 years for our government to formally recognize it had violated the rights of its own citizens.

Now it is time to correct such wrongs against non-heterosexuals. It is time to truly live by our nations creed, stated so beautifully in the Declaration of Independence, on July 4th, 1776, by our founding fathers:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

The fight is by no means over. Those people who believe that morality, which is of course subjective, should govern law and that human rights do not hold precedence, will of course be taking the fight all the way to the Supreme Court through the appeals process of this GREAT NATION. We must continue to show that America is truly a free nation and treats all of its citizens equally. Let's show that we support our brothers and sisters. You don't have to agree with someone to tolerate them and to allow them to exist freely. Let's end this ridiculous discrimination of Americans, now.

Support equality! Deny h8!!!

Sources:

Monday, July 12, 2010

Verdict Aftermath - Originally Written 7-9-10

Yesterday, the LA jury handed down the verdict in the murder case for former BART police officer, Johannes Mehserle.

I wish I could say that the verdict was just and that the people were satisfied; that when all was said and done, there was peace on the streets… alas, I cannot. Whether justice was served or not is a hotly debated topic. (One I am torn on myself because I was not there that day and I have not seen all the evidence.) However, the jury came to a decision and there is nothing anyone can do now.

Mehserle was found guilty, not of murder, but of the far lesser charge of involuntary manslaughter. The jury had three options other than not guilty: second-degree murder, voluntary manslaughter, and involuntary manslaughter. According to the evidence provided and the case presented, the jury deemed that Mehserle was guilty of criminal negligence, but not of outright murder. Mehserle is the first cop in the state of California to be convicted of a felony in an officer-related shooting that has resulted in the death of the suspect. Regardless of one’s feelings, this was HISTORIC.

Following the verdict, Mehserle was remanded into police custody, and now sits in an LA county jail awaiting his sentencing. It is now up to the judge to decide Mehserle’s fate. He will have quite a few options. The charge of involuntary manslaughter carries a possible sentence of 2-4 years in state prison; with the usage of a gun, up to ten extra years can be added to the sentence. However, the judge also can choose to issue Mehserle time-served and simply give him three years of felony probation. (For those who are not familiar with the criminal justice system: time-served is where the judge essentially gives you credit for the time you have spent in jail awaiting your verdict & sentencing, in place of actually serving the sentence after the trial is complete.) Most experts believe he will be doing at least 6-7 years in prison for this sentence, but it truly is anyone’s guess as it is purely in the judges hands now. [Sentencing will be held in LA on August 6th.]

Media coverage of this trial has reminded many of both the OJ Simpson trial and the Rodney King beating. Many of us hoped that no matter what the verdict was, the people would not resort to violence, as with the LA riots of 1992; sadly that was not to be. The verdict came down at 4:05PM PST yesterday and immediately the community was outraged. A large crowd began forming along Broadway in downtown Oakland between 12th and 14th streets; it began with maybe a hundred people. As the coverage continued, the crowd’s numbers grew. Things stayed pretty peaceful too, until the sunset that is…

I blame the media for stirring the crowd up to the point of an all-out riot; they turned a crowd of protesters into a mob. Yesterday, all of the local news channels bombarded us with imagery of the protesters; hours and hours of coverage, trial analysis, interviews of bystanders, speech after speech from community leaders and Grant’s family. If anything, they were enticing people to go out and join the mob. The media’s constant buzz helped fuel the anger, and the minute a window was busted at the Footlocker downtown, around 8:30PM, they were showing video footage, and glorifying the destruction. By 9PM the bulk of the disorderly conduct and violence was underway.

83 people were arrested for various charges ranging from disturbing the peace, resisting arrest, and vandalism. Fires were set and quite a few businesses were damaged, including Kaiser’s Regional Offices. Innocent Oakland business owner’s suffered at the hands of “anarchists” in the name of “justice”. Many of the businesses affected were minority-owned, (so much for fighting “white power”). Many of the individuals arrested were known “anarchists” who don’t even live in Oakland, they were merely there to stir up violence and mayhem.

So, what was the chaos truly for? JUSTICE?!?! I think not, and I am not alone. The people that came to downtown Oakland to cause destruction, didn’t care one bit about justice or injustice; they didn’t care about the very real racism that many African-American and Latino youth still face today. They certainly didn’t care about Oscar Grant or his family that has had to deal with 19 months of stress, waiting, wondering how their loved one’s killer would be held accountable.

If anything the rabble last night served to set us back. Why couldn’t we show the world that Oakland is above violence; that our community here in the East Bay could be mature and fight for our rights with peace…? Most of the world believes Oakland is a violent, hell-hole, full of nothing but thugs; anyone who has lived there or spends time there, knows this isn’t true. YES, there is violence, and yes, many areas are not the safest, but Oakland is still a wonderfully varied and beautiful city; with a rich and vibrant history. It isn’t the warzone it is made out to be.

This is a sign that we need to fight to make Oakland a safer place for everyone, especially the youth. We need to focus on taking East and West Oakland back from the gangs that have been allowed to rule for far too long now. The code of silence on the streets, needs to be broken. Vigilante “justice” needs to be stopped. Shooting after shooting… one young person after another, lost to senseless violence. So many families have had to suffer and the suffering will only continue, as long as we allow it to occur without repercussions. The only way to stop the violence is to break the silence and to stop the kinds of mobs that had power on the streets yesterday.

Yesterday could have been so much worse, for what it’s worth, I am thankful it wasn’t. Yet, it should not have happened at all. Nothing can change the fact that Mehserle pulled his gun that day. Nothing can bring Oscar Grant back from the dead. No one can change the verdict that the jury handed down in that packed LA courtroom… but we can fight for peace. We can fight for justice. Dr. King’s dream can be a reality, but not through the means of violence and destruction. It will never be a reality as long as we sit in apathy, allowing violence to occur before our eyes, and doing nothing to stop it.

Now is the time for action. Now is the time for peace.

Action through words and not violence.

Let’s do something for our future, today; let’s show that Oakland is so much more, than what people have seen on TV.

Self-Esteem - Written 7-6-10

Sitting here…
Thinking, wondering;
Not knowing why it had to be…
Lost in a world of sadness,
I wasn’t happy to be me.

Searched for validation
Through the love of another;
Only to be beaten down,
Broken,
Left torn asunder.

The only thing he did for me
Was take away my dreams.

Hoped for a chance
At something more;
A way to escape
All the pain
That came before.

Would I be able,
To save myself…
Before I finally drowned?

Couldn’t listen any longer
To the lies…
Skillfully wove.
Meant to keep me suffering,
In the darkness,
All alone.

In this way,
I came to learn,
No one else can set you free….

In order to find contentment,
One must see:
To be beautiful is to be imperfect;
Though not everyone agrees…

Now that I have
Opened my eyes,
I finally have found,
Self-esteem.

West Point, CA 7-5-10 ---> Nature Shots

These are some photos I took when I was camping in West Point, CA over the 4th of July Holiday. They were taken using a Blackberry Bold and then edited in Photoshop CS3.

LA, 1992, All Over Again... - Originally Written 7/2/10

Today, could potentially be a historic day for the Bay Area. And frankly, I’m not sure how I stand on the matter.

For those who don’t know anything about Oscar Grant or Johannes Mehserle, let me give a brief overview of the tragic events on New Year’s morning, 2009. BART police responded to reports of a fight on a crowded train returning from San Francisco at the Fruitvale Station in Oakland, CA. The officers detained Oscar & several other passengers believed to be involved in the fight. Allegedly, Oscar Grant was resisting arrest and former officer Johannes Mehserle, along with another officer, were attempting to restrain him.

At some point Mehserle believed Grant was pulling a weapon and threatened to use his taser on him. Then, reportedly Mehserle pulled his firearm and shot Oscar Grant in the back. Grant died in the hospital the next day. It turns out he was unarmed. Mehserle claims that he shot the victim by accident and had intended to use his taser gun; believing the victim to be armed. Many people caught video footage of the incident using cell phones. It became headline news all over the Bay Area and stirred up controversy from the beginning.

Mehserle is white and Grant is black; calling into question whether this ultimately was a racially motivated slaying, rather than a horrible accident. (I personally do not know either way and would hate to be someone deciding.) Many people in the community have been outraged by this entire situation and have pushed for what they believe to be justice: Mehserle spending the rest of his life behind bars for murder.

Alameda County charged Mehserle with murder on January 13, this year. At that time he resigned and plead not guilty. The venue was changed from Alameda to Los Angeles county due to all the media-attention. Many believed that if he stood trial in Alameda county there was no way for it to be fair. The defense motioned the judge to remove first degree murder charges, which the judge granted, leaving the jury with one less option. The case went into jury deliberation today.

The entire situation brings up a bad memory in the pits of our stomachs. For those of us who remember the LA riots of 1992 spurred by the acquittal of the white police officers accused of beating Rodney King, a black man who had been pulled over following a high-speed pursuit. In a clear case of police brutality (it was caught on videotape), the officers beat King to a pulp while arresting him. The perpetrators were set free and justice was not given to King. This enraged the public, much as the public has been enraged over the death of Oscar Grant; which many believe to be a clear-cut case of police brutality as well.

As we sit and wait for the verdict to come down, we all wonder if there will be a repeat of LA in 1992. Oakland is no stranger to rioting and many business are closed today, boarded up to prevent possible damage that could occur should the “wrong” verdict come down. Regardless of our feelings on the matter, resorting to violence would only serve to tarnish Grant’s memory. Peaceful protest, fighting for true justice to be served, that is one thing; hurting innocent people and their livelihoods… unacceptable.

I pray for my brothers and sisters in Oakland tonight; that which we fear, I pray does not happen. And for Mehserle, if guilty, let it be; if he truly made a mistake, then let him do the time fitting for making such a mistake. Either way an outright acquittal… let’s just hope not.

Fall Forest Scenes, Nevada City, CA - 2008

Strength & Courage - Originally Written 7/2/10

"Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinion of others, for those voices. Do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth." - Katherine Mansfield

Oh how profound this simple quote truly is. Perhaps one of the hardest lessons any of us have to learn is that in order to be free to experience contentment, one must learn to ignore the opinions of others. How often have you experienced that when something is going well for you a naysayer will come along to try and make you feel guilty for it? In adolescence, most choose to assimilate with those around us in order to avoid harsh criticism. To strike a novel path, against the direction the crowd is flowing, is often to live a life apart; but that doesn't equate to a life unfulfilled.

When one has the strength and courage to "face the truth" and "risk anything" to take action for oneself... it is possible to feel a joy that would not have been discovered any other way. Why allow others to dictate our lives?

"The truth" is that true happiness can come from thinking and acting for oneself; by doing the things that you enjoy rather than playing the role expected by others. Take action! Don't be lulled into the endless sea of conformity... Think for yourself, form your own beliefs through your experiences. No one else is inside your head, your heart, your soul; how can they dictate your existence? They can, only if you let them.

"If you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing." - Margaret Thatcher

And So The Journey Begins... - Originally Written 7/2/10

Today, the journey begins... Everyone needs a space that they can escape to when the need arises. For some, the place is real: perhaps, a secluded spot hidden deep in a city park, or maybe preferring the fresh mountain air, a stream running through an alpine forest. Others (myself included) often find escaping to a world of imagination and creation is the only solution for surviving... the chaos of the world around us.

With advancements in technology and widespread globalization, expectations for what constitutes a "successful existence" have changed. The game of life has gotten faster, more complex, and the individual today finds it easy to become lost in the rabble. Society calls us to constantly consume, or else we are "unsuccessful". Ads bombard us everywhere we go, calling us to buy, buy, buy; one must keep up with the latest in everything from fashion to technology. God forbid we should be without our smartphones and Louis Vuitton bags. [Don't misintrepret this as a hatred of fashion & technology... believe me I'm as inclined to want it as anyone else; its just that advertisers and corporations attempt to make us feel as though we cannot live without their latest "innovation"... even if we lived quite happily without it before.] Ads have even invaded our schools; with many facing major budget shortfalls, corporations have enticed them with funds in exchange for prime product placement with our youth.

In addition to commercialism, online social networking and other forms of electronic communications, have become a source of noise in our daily lives. The rise of the internet as a major source of well, just about everything for our daily lives; from gathering information, socializing, to shopping and more. This can be seen as a double-edge sword; it has both brought the world together and served to disconnect us from one another. How many of us have become frustrated by trying to hold a conversation with someone who can't muster the respect to look up from their cell phone as they text with lightning-fast keystrokes. And let us not forget the person who hardly ever gets out in the real world, but spends majority of their waking hours chatting, or posting to one of the numerous options available to them. "Tweets" and "viral videos" are discussed on the news and online dating sites have become an acceptable means of meeting a potential mate.

Sometimes some of us just want to get away from all that and have some return to simplicity. I find the best way to do that is to escape into my mind and to create beautiful things to remind myself (and others), that the most beautiful things in life are imperfect. That which to live for is not found on the internet, on the latest iPhone or iPad... it is found in art, nature, intellectual discourse and the times we share with friends and family. In a photograph, freezing a fleeting moment in time; in a song that reaches across cultural divides; in a weekend barbecue with family; floating down the river an inter-tube; dancing the night away with friends at a beach bonfire; in a painting from 16th century Italy... one may just find what they need to feel complete.

Join me if you will, as I attempt to find an expressive outlet to find my sanity in a world that, on the whole, seems forgets where beauty truly lies...